There should be little debate today in the Evangelical Christian community that fathers have a very important and very necessary role in raising happy, healthy children. In this article I would like to examine the roles respective to fathers and to children in the sense of physical, mental/emotional and most importantly spiritual health.

Tragically, in our world today, too many men are fathers only in the biological sense. I firmly believe that a major factor in contributing to this, if not the major factor is the pervasiveness and influence of evolutionism. That thought is fodder for another article, however. I would like to clearly state that while I will never achieve the status of a perfect father, I do my very best to follow instruction from the perfect Father, whose example and instruction is found in scripture.

There are several passages of scripture which provide instruction for fathers or which give information about fathers. The references given are neither all inclusive nor exhaustive. I recommend and encourage you to “Study” (2Tim 2:15) to gain a deeper understanding of your responsibility as a father and to strive to attain to the example of our Heavenly Father. (All scripture quotations are from the King James Version of the Holy Bible, KJV)

“And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth… And God saw every thing that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.” Genesis 1:26-28, 31

We read in the very first chapter of scripture where God established and ordained the primary unit of society, the family. This passage is also the foundational passage in which the man’s role is established and ordained. Though there are many aspects of a man’s role in the family, the church, and society as a whole, this article will address primarily the role of a father. Please also note that it would be impossible to write about the relationship of father to children without touching on the father’s role in the church and society.

When God established and ordained the family (Gen 1:26-31) He set man as the corporate head of the household. There should be no contention that God’s intention is one man and one woman for life. As the corporate head of the household under Christ (1 Cor 11:3), it is the father’s responsibility to ensure that his children are properly brought up. It is the father whom God will hold primarily responsible and accountable for the development of his children (Eph 6:4).

Just as the teaching of the foundation of the family and a father’s role is found in Genesis, the foundation for rearing and teaching our children is found in Deuteronomy, specifically in chapter 6, verses 4-9.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 (See also Deut 11:18-20) is given specifically to and for the Nation of Israel. This passage applies not only to Israel but to all of God’s people, whether chosen or adopted. The teaching and concept of this passage is further developed and expounded elsewhere in scripture and should be embraced and acted upon rather than discounted and discarded. (Matt 5:17-20)

This passage in Deuteronomy 6 instructs us what to teach our children. “The LORD our God is one LORD.” We are also to “love the LORD our God with all our heart, with all our soul, and with all our might.” We are to set a godly example before our children. Through personal experience I know that our children will not only listen to what we say, more importantly, they will watch what we do. Our children need to hear and see us in corporate, family and individual worship, study and prayer. (Deut 6:4-5)

Deuteronomy 6 tells us how to teach our children. If we fill our life with God’s word and seek to live for Him, it will (or should) show in our life and through our actions. (Prov 23:7b) We need to set the example for our children in every area of life: In Bible study (2 Tim 2:15); In memorizing scripture (Ps 119:11); In prayer (1 Thes 5:17); In conduct (1 Thes 5:22) In speech (Eph 4:29). These are only a few examples of setting a proper and godly example before our children. (Deut 6:6, 8-9)

Verse 7 of this passage tells us when we are to teach our children. This verse not only justifies but also prescribes the direct education of children by parents. Though this is the father’s responsibility, the task of instruction will often fall to the mother as the father works to provide shelter, sustenance and other necessities for his family (1Tim 5:8). If children are schooled outside the home, spending 8 or more hours away from the protection and training of their parents, it is difficult, if not impossible to fulfill the commandment in this passage. We are to spend every waking moment, everywhere we go, and in everything we do training our children in the way of the Lord (Deut 6:7)

The last part of the passage, verses 7-9 tells us where to instruct our children. The most obvious place our children receive instruction is in the home. The where and when are closely related, in that for the children to receive proper instruction in the home, they must be in the home. Parents cannot instruct their children in moments of opportunity for teaching unless the children are available to be taught.

Verse 7 combines the when and where of instruction to teach that, in context and in conjunction with other scripture, we should use every opportunity, without regard to time or place to instruct our children. We are to teach our children verbally and by our lived out example in every situation and at all times.

Verses 8 and 9 also combine instruction, but teach of the environment of the home and what should be taught and learned there. Do we control the influences of written, visual, and audible media to screen out the unprofitable and the ungodly? We may do this in regards to our children, but do we also do it for ourselves? It is not wrong to have a television, radio, newspaper or magazine in the home. These can be effectively used as teaching tools and resources so long as the content of these things is God-honoring and profitable (1Cor 10:31, 2 Tim 3:16). In order to be effective witnesses for Christ, to be salt and light, it is necessary to know what is going on around us. While we must live in the world, we don’t have to live of the world. All that we possess, even to the very furnishing of our home can and should be honoring and pleasing to God (Deut 6:7-9).

The book of Proverbs is so rich with wisdom, one could study and attempt to search out the depths of the book for a lifetime, yet not attain the end of the goal. In addition to regular Bible study it is a great idea to read the chapter of Proverbs which corresponds with the given calendar day. For short months, finish the last chapter or so along with the chapter that is for that day. For example, on October 1^st, read Proverbs chapters 31 and 1 because September only has 30 days and there are 31 chapters in the book. It would be a great idea to take turns reading with a child just learning to read. The child’s skill will be enormously sharpened and a fine example will be set to hopefully develop a lifelong habit. In reading one chapter a day, Proverbs will be read once a month; twelve times a year; and still contain wisdom to last a lifetime.

Proverbs is rich with instruction to fathers, mothers, husbands, wives and children. Let us examine just a few tidbits of wisdom found there. There is no way to cover all of the Proverbs that may be related to the nature of this article. I would like to highlight a few passages and see how these relate to a father’s role. In Proverbs 1:8, it is clear that while the majority of the instruction may fall to the mother as Father provides for his family, fathers cannot abdicate the responsibility of instructing their children.

Chapter 3, verses 5-6 should be a familiar passage, but continue also through verse 10. From verse 5 we can apply the what/why method of application through verse 10. Verses 5,7 and 9 are the what verses. 6, 8 and 10 are the why verses. Proverbs is full of comparisons or pairs of teachings.

We need to show by our example and verbal instruction that we are to seek God’s way and not our own (v.5). If we do this, He will guide our lives in the way we should go (v.6). Verse 7 restates the concept of verse 5. Verse 8 explains that spiritual health is directly related to mental, emotional, and (usually) physical health. When we honor the Lord with our possessions and tithes (v.9), He will bless us richly. (v. 10)

There are several very important passages in Proverbs that address proper biblical discipline of children. Proverbs 13:24 teaches that love and discipline go hand in hand. The rod refers to discipline. The discipline does not necessarily have to be a spanking, but whatever discipline is appropriate for the offense. Spankings, when appropriate, are vastly different from beating a child. The rod referred to a small branch or switch. It is something other than the hand which smarts or stings but does not do great bodily harm. It is appropriately applied to the backside of the child between the belt and the knees.

A loving father will discipline when necessary to instruct his children that unwise choices (disobedience) often brings painful consequences. When we discipline our children we need to emphasize our love and desire that the discipline will result in a change of attitude or action. It is vitally important that when discipline results in a change of behavior in similar circumstances following, praise and love reinforce the training and the positive change.

While Proverbs 13:24 is likely the best known and most often referenced passage on corporal punishment, 19:18, 22:15 and 29:15 reinforce and expand the teaching. Proverbs 19:18 teaches us that we should begin to train through proper use of discipline at an early age. If discipline is largely withheld until ‘school age,’ or later, it will be very difficult or impossible to instill in the child the necessary knowledge/training without making the child bitter, resentful or worse. While inflicting the pain of discipline may be sometimes difficult, seeing a child go astray due to lack of proper discipline is multiplied pain for the child and parents.

Proverbs 22:6 is a wonderful promise to parents and to children. Adults are usually enormously thankful for proper loving discipline during their early years. Look also to verse 15 of the same chapter. Foolishness is inherent to a child due to a general lack of wisdom and life experience. Children must be disciplined and trained by parents for them to gain their parents’ wisdom and experience. No one wishes to inflict physical (or emotional or spiritual) pain on their own selves when the lesson has been learned. Teaching children the lesson that “The stove is hot,” is one example. “Taking things that are not yours can get you into serious trouble,” is another one. Children, who are undisciplined and enter into a lifestyle of lying, for example, do not immediately think of the lifelong consequences. Hurts can be mental, emotional and spiritual, as well as physical. Damaged relationships and a guilty conscience will hurt for much longer than a burned finger or a stinging bottom. Proper, loving discipline is not cruelty, but rather profitable to parents and to children immediately and in times to come.

Further building on the concept of timely discipline is Proverbs 29:15. This verse also describes the consequences of the absence of timely discipline and proper training. A child left to his own way, due to inherent foolishness and lack of wisdom and experience will generally make foolish choices in many situations. How many of us as adults have not looked back on our own life and thought that we should have listened to the advice of our parents much more than we did? In the overall picture, training a child goes along with protecting them. Proper training will go a long way in protecting them physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually in their youth and provide them with a solid foundation and wisdom on which to build a godly life.

There are other passages in Proverbs to briefly overview. Chapter 6:6-8 teaches us to observe God’s creation and learn, here specifically the ant teaches industry, initiative, foresight and planning, and good work ethic. Verses 9-11 explain the foolishness of not implementing the lesson in life. Chapters 5 & 7 teach on the wisdom of purity and marital fidelity. Chapter 11 verse 1 (and others) deals with business transactions. Verses 16 and 22 address a woman’s (daughters) lifestyle. 12:10 teaches proper treatment of animals. 22:6, as previously stated, is a wonderful promise to parents. If we properly train our children to love, fear and serve the Lord God, when they go out on their own in marriage or independence and away from our protection and authority, they will continue to live their lives in the way they were taught. 20:1, 23:20-21 and 31:4 warn against the dangers of getting involved with alcohol.

Proverbs 31:10-31 is the “crowning” passage of Proverbs. The verses describe not only a virtuous, industrious woman, but also a godly example of a wife and a mother. This passage is not only for the wife and mother, but a reminder to fathers to instruct their daughters so that they may become like the woman described in this passage. It is given as an example to wives, mothers and daughters to aspire and strive to fulfill this example. It is given to sons to seek such a godly woman for a wife. It is also given to husbands to appreciate and cherish their wives and their contribution to the family. The book of Proverbs is rich with wisdom which we as fathers can and should study and implement in raising godly children.

It is proper and biblical that wives are to be submissive to their own husbands, though this is not the focus of this article. This order of roles was established by God in Genesis 3:16. Fathers ought to set the example of proper authority and love in their households for their sons and daughters. The primary passages for this concept are: Eph 5:21-33, 1 Cor 11:1-16 and 1 Pet 3:1-7. In these passages many people focus on the wife’s role in submission but completely miss the vitally important part about the husband’s and father’s role to love, provide for and protect his family.

Christ loved the church in such a way that he gave his very life for it. It may be possible, though uncommon for a husband/father to give up his physical life for the protection of his wife and family. Husbands and fathers are to set the example before their children of loving their wives as Christ loved the church. We are to sacrifice our own wants and sometimes even our own needs to put first the needs of our wife and children. I would add that when a man loves his wife and children this way, submission and obedience come gladly and lovingly from those who submit.

We are to be the providers and protectors of our family. This has been established. The obvious is that we are to do this in the physical sense. There is, however, a much more important role in providing for and protecting our family spiritually. I believe that the primary supporting verse for this is 1 Timothy 2:14. This verse refers to Genesis 3. In essence, Eve was spiritually deceived by the serpent in the garden, while Adam was not. I would not presume to make the claim that wives are always spiritually weaker than their husbands. The point is that God established and ordained the husband to be the leader and provider of the family unit. We are responsible to God for our family in the same way as a pastor is responsible to God for his local church.

Our children should see us regularly studying God’s word and maintaining an active prayer life. Do we take time or make time every day to lead our family in devotional study of God’s word? Do we take the time to explain what we read as a family and ask questions? Do we hide God’s word in our hearts and assist our children in doing the same? Do we regularly take our family to listen to solid biblical teaching and enjoy fellowship with God’s people? If the answer to any of these is no, today is the day to make the necessary changes.

It does happen that in the course of our duties to our families, we may neglect to maintain some aspects of these. We must be certain to not fall into a pattern of neglect. It is also important to ask forgiveness of our wives and children when we do neglect these duties. When a good spiritual atmosphere is established within the home, our own children may ask (sometimes to our shame) if we are going to have our family devotional time. It is very important to them when they see that it is very important to us. It is vitally important to maintain God’s priorities in our lives (Matthew 6:33).

We need to pray for our children and we need to pray with our children. This is a very important aspect of spiritual leadership. Our children need to see us praying for them in all aspects of their lives. Even when they don’t hear or see us, we need to be praying for them. It is just as important that we pray for wisdom and direction for ourselves to raise them in a manner that honors and glorifies God as it is important for us to pray that God will lead them individually in their lives.

We especially need to pray for the salvation of our children. Is it possible that many godly men have never presented the gospel to their own children? Unfortunately I think it is likely, even though not intended. If we take our children to church and Sunday school, have family devotions and prayer, won’t they understand that Jesus loves and died for them? They may, but this does not release us from the responsibility of seeing that our children are saved when they ask Jesus into their heart and life. No one knows our children like we do, except possibly for our wives. We should begin to present the gospel in a way that they can understand from an early age. We should continue to point out that God loves them and that Jesus died for their sins and wants to come into their hearts and lives to change them and make them his very own. Our families, especially our children should be our very first and most important “mission field.”

The most important relationship our children will observe is our relationship with our wives. The way we relate to our wives is equally important to our daughters and our sons. If we set the proper example of loving our wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25), our sons will be more likely to love and care for their wives in the same manner. Our daughters who see us treat our wives with sacrificial love should look for the same treatment in the man she wishes to marry. What a blessing it is to have a wife to come alongside of us to work with us in raising a godly family.

We need to establish solid, loving honest relationships with our children. We need to be approachable at all times. If we are to busy to listen when our children come to us to relay their problems and concerns or to ask advice they will go somewhere else. We need to make it a priority to spend time together as a family as well as spend time with each child individually, especially as they get older. We need to make it a point to learn each child’s strengths and weaknesses and to encourage and correct as necessary.

We also need to be aware of our own strengths and weaknesses and to be honest with our children about ourselves. One of the most humbling times for us is to ask a child’s forgiveness when we are wrong and they have been directly affected. We need to do the same for our wives in the presence of our children, especially if the children are aware of the situation that brought about the need to ask for forgiveness. This shows that we are prone to mistakes in spite of our knowledge and experience and that we are not too proud to admit our mistakes.

A leader cannot lead if he has no followers. He must lead by continuous proper example or he will not be effective in his leadership. A follower who is deceived, threatened or otherwise coerced into following will usually rebel at the situation at the first possible chance. A father will not have the love, respect and admiration of his children if he doesn’t live out what he teaches his children. Our children come to know us intimately, and they should. They know us from how they see (or hear from or about) us at work, at home, at church, in the community and in other aspects of life. They are always listening and watching. How does our walk line up with our talk? Probably more than anything else, this matters most to our children. Setting a godly example is the most important aspect of raising godly children.

“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.” 3 John 1:4. Can we say that about our own children that God has blessed us with and entrusted to our care? If we can honestly say that PRAISE GOD! The necessity of living out a godly life before them will not end until our Heavenly Father calls us home. If we can’t say that about our children, we need to get busy and keep busy until we can say it. Then we need to be the example before them as we live before God. We are so blessed to have been given the greatest manual on parenting that has ever been written, God’s holy word. We also have the blessing of knowing personally the greatest example of what being a father is all about.